Can I hit the pause button?

Can someone else be the parent? Just for the day? Does anyone else ever feel like they need someone else to take over, hold the reins?? Maybe it’s the fact that in a few days it’ll be May, the month before baby is due and I become a mum of 4 and it all just got a bit real. Maybe it’s because life feels a bit complicated at the moment; this week has been kind of a rollercoaster. Or maybe it’s just down to crazy lady pregnancy hormones which I am full of; one minuet I’m snorting (yep full on pig-snorts) with laughter the next I’m trying not to cry into my chocolate milk!! But I find myself searching around for a parenthood pause button. I just want someone else to take over.

 

The thing that makes this so ridiculous is that I’m a total clingy, control-freak of a mother. I find it almost impossible to let anyone else do stuff with my children, their dad has to pretty much fight me off to get a look in. If I do leave them which is rare I’m pining for them after about an hour. (I know trust me I want to punch myself in the head too!!) I think I have a fear of missing out on something and I worry that no-one else will else will look after them the way I do. The problem is I’m not sure I’m doing that great a job right now, hence my desire to hit the pause button. I’m tired, being 32 weeks pregnant with a 17 month old is hard, and my little body is feeling it!! Truthfully there is this little bitch sat on my shoulder dripping self-doubt into my head. Because if I’m not managing now, how the hell am I going to cope with 4?? I don’t want things to slip through the cracks. I don’t want to be grumpy and negative, that’s so unfair on the boys.

That’s the thing about being a mum, there is no time-out, no pause button, no off switch. It’s not a hat you chose to put on or take off. From the second your baby comes into this world you’re a mummy and that doesn’t ever stop. And while motherhood is wonderful and rewarding and provides you with an indescribable love; it’s also exhausting, overwhelming and at times suffocating. So what are we supposed to do when it all gets too much? I guess the first thing is to know that it’s alright to admit it. It’s not always easy to hold your hands up and say you need a break but it shouldn’t carry any judgement and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. It doesn’t mean you love or adore your children any less. In fact (and I know I’ve said this before) looking after yourself makes you a better mum. You’re giving your children a happy, rested mum; they’ll enjoy you more and vice versa.

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I suppose the hard part is finding that ‘thing’ which you can do away from your children which makes you feel good. I know women for who work is their escape; where they find their sanity, for others its exercise and for lots of women I know they take refuge with their girlfriends when things get too much. If I’m being totally honest I haven’t figured out where mine lies yet (I’ll keep you posted). I guess what I’m saying is that as mums we should all take the time to figure out where it is we can recharge and have some seriously deserved me time. Remember this is about you and what makes you happy, you’re not looking for anyone else to validate what helps you. If it makes you happy, de-stressed and gives you the strength to get up in the morning a tackle motherhood like a boss then you bloody do it!! Enjoy the 3 day weekend mummies we have earned it.
Charlie x

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2 thoughts on “Can I hit the pause button?

  1. Can’t remember where I read it now but when I was suffering with pnd I saw the phrase ‘the endlessness of parenting’ and it’s so true!! As a child I thought my mum never got ill, now a mum of 2 boys (aged 3 and 4) I know she DID but just had to carry on anyway!! Gross alert: I’ll never forget having a stomach bug and strategically throwing up before doing the school run and just about making it back home to the toilet in time!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is so hard. Especially having your boys so close in age. I hope it helps knowing your not alone. Thanks so much for reading xxx

      Like

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