As mums I can’t help but feel that so much of what is expected of us is centred on other people. Now that might sound stupidly obvious; it’s kind of in the job title creating and sustaining a little person. You become a mum and your whole world changes, the way you live your life is transformed. And with this your accomplishments change, your goals and ambitions receive make-overs.
5 days a week my morning goals consist of getting my 2 big boys to school 1) with all the stuff they need, 2) with makeup on my face and 3) without having shouted at them. If we are on time well that’s a bonus that deserves some kind of sweet recompense (for me not the boys, just to clarify). Nothing about my morning is centred on me, I run around the house like a headless chicken getting the boys ready. The morning chaos is regularly injected with exclaims of “Fin have you got your homework” and “Eb if your still naked there’s going to be trouble!” I chose my breakfast based on which cereal I can consume quickest. Even putting on makeup I do for the good of others; children are only 4 when they start primary school; my make-up free face first thing in the morning will terrify them!!
I’m not moaning, I don’t believe you can be a mother without making sacrifices and putting your children first. But when you realise that you never get to put yourself first or never allow yourself the time to pursue your own goals then there’s a problem. Our own ambitions can’t simple disappear because we become mums; they can be postponed or adapted yes, but they shouldn’t vanish. And they don’t have to be momentous goals either, I’m not talking about starting a company, simply doing something that you want to, something for yourself. That could be some form of studying, having a cuppa with a friend or getting your hair done at an actual hairdressers. Your goals shouldn’t be set by anyone else’s bench mark but your own. It’s about empowering yourself and allowing you that time to achieve something simply because you want to.
I often find myself getting pissed-off at Rich (the hubby) because he prioritises the things he wants to get done. But in reality I don’t and that’s my own fault not his. If as mums we don’t make ourselves a priority how can we expect those around us to. We tend to feel a great deal of obligation to our children, our spouses, wider family and friends and our homes. Yet we should remember that we also have an obligation to ourselves, and that should take precedence at times. And that in itself is such an important lesson for our children; to show our daughters that becoming a mother doesn’t mean you sacrifice your own life, your own dreams and goals. Equally our sons should see their mothers as strong, empowered women, so that they grow up to respect and appreciate the role of women as mothers. So that as men they are able to support and aid their own spouses in balancing motherhood with their own aspirations.
We are more than just mums and we are allowed to be.